Sayonara
by AnOwlTree
Summary: Natsuki is leaving for America soon and Yuki can't bring himself to say what he needs to. Though Natsuki is persistent, wanting to hear why Yuki has been ignoring him.
1. Gomen

Rain fell onto the roof, toppling down at an alarming rate. Perfect weather for the day that it is, he thought to himself. He'd pulled on a pale blue sweater to keep himself warm from the winter rain outside, yet he could still feel the sting. The edges of the sweater slipped over his fingertips. Yuki often bought them oversized purposefully. Wouldn't want to have cold fingers. The boy sighed, and closed his eyes in search for a peace. All he could hear was the sound of rain plummeting down onto the house until the doorbell rang, but he didn't budge. He only continued to sit, unmoving, and sure enough the door opened. The boys voice was a bit uneasy, knowing he'd been ignored.

"Yuki." Natsuki rounded the corner, dripping wet and by the looks of it, just got done running the distance from school. He slid his watch off and cursed under his breath, it was probably dead now, but he'd been in too much of a rush to remember it.

"Mm." The other mumbled to himself, still trying to ignore Natsuki. Dripping wet, out of breath, and now annoyed Natsuki that is. He heard the boy curse, and the red head finally decided to give him a look, but only grazed his vision, and turned away.

"You can't do this forever." He ruffled his wet hair, a failed attempt to dry the dripping strands.

"I know," Yuki paused, differentiating what he was going to say, and what he wanted to say. "That's because you don't have forever." slipped out, when what he wanted to say was 'That's because _we _don't have forever.' but they weren't a couple, they weren't lovers. Just friends, Yuki chanted in his head, there is no _we._

Sitting in the chair, Yuki tilted his head away from Natsuki as he came towards him, leaving a pool of rain behind. "No Yuki," Natsuki crouched, so he could see his face. "I don't have forever." his voice was pleading, but swiftly shifted. "So, _stop this._" But there was no response. Natsuki waited a moment longer, not wanting to push more than he needed to get what he wanted. "This is your last chance, Yuki." he beckoned, still looking at the eyes that refused to look back.

Yuki considered. If I stop, I have to tell him why I'm doing this. _I have to admit. _If I don't stop _he _will tell me why I'm doing this. And then I'll know that he just see's right through me. Which is more embarrassing? But Yuki had considered too long, and the other had already chosen for him.

"I've been trying to get in contact with you all day." He started. "You didn't pick up your phone, you weren't at school, you weren't out fishing. For fucks sake Yuki, you wouldn't even open the door for me." The accusations lay in the air, droplets of rain poured down outside, stretching the silence. "I'm leaving for America tomorrow, and you won't talk to me." His voice began to raise, and he stood to look down at Yuki instead. "After Akira, and Haru left it's just been you and me. You are my best friend and you're too stubborn to admit..." Natsuki stopped abruptly and, as he did Yuki's eyes shot towards him.

"Admit what?" He wanted Natsuki to say it for himself. Could he?

Natsuki was the one to break eye contact. "You're going to miss me."

Outraged by his response, Yuki angrily pushed himself from the chair. "That's not it and you know it!" He yelled, and even so continued to raise his voice. "You can't say it either, so why blame me for wanting to avoid it?"

Neither of them said a word. They only stood, staring at each other, now at eye level only a foot or two apart. They were frustrated, enough so, another step forward for either would lead into a fight.

"If," Natsuki tested the air. "If you can't say it –"

"I _can _say it, Natsuki." He growled.

"Then why don't you?" Natsuki's voice grew desperate.

Yuki took a step back from the boy and tried not to start yelling again. "Because I don't like speaking when my words don't want to be heard. You don't want to hear what I have to say."

"Yuki," He took the step forward that Yuki had just taken back. "I know what you're going to say. And I wouldn't be here, if I didn't want to hear it from you." Yuki examined the boy standing in his house, mostly still drenched from head to toe because of the storm outside. The school uniform clung to him and his tie was becoming unraveled. His glasses were fogged and splattered with water, and his right shoe was untied and had become muddied in the run to Yuki's house. He tried to laugh.

"You look ridiculous." he said, feeling terrible for letting him stand there like that. "I'm sorry that I'm acting like an asshole."

"I'm not forgiving you just yet." Natsuki spat. "You owe me an explanation."

Yuki's voice was soft, yet condescending. "What's the point if you don't need anything explained?"

With that, Natsuki took no time to bridge the gap that had been between them for so long. His fist grazed the side of Yuki's jaw with such a force that he tripped back into his chair and fell onto the floor in one smooth motion. A splitting crack sound was made as his head broke contact with the hard wood floor, and he let out a moan.

"Yuki!" Natsuki fell forward to see if he was alright, not meaning to push him onto the ground. But it was too late, Yuki let out an incomprehensible word as he slipped unconscious. His thoughts were clear, but his speech was inevitably slurred. All he wanted to say, was sorry.


	2. Ai

It's still raining outside. But Natsuki is safe from the swelling hurricane just beyond the walls now. The clothes he'd previously worn were shed to find something a little less wet. Soggy clothes transported to the wash, and Yuki's clothes, _borrowed _from the closet were slipped on. They seemed a bit girlish for his tastes, maybe too bright? No matter, it was better than being drenched. And as much as he didn't want to admit it, Yuki's clothes...smelled good too. It's his scent clinging to the fibers. He smells like the ocean...and flowers, Natsuki thinks smiling to himself.

Yuki lay still unconscious on his bed. Natsuki brought him up after knocking him out, and gently pulled the covers over his arms. It was getting late now, and Natsuki fears that Yuki won't wake up soon enough for their goodbye. His chest rises and falls in time, and the covers on top of him sway like the ocean. Natsuki smirks. So gentle, so innocent. What have I done to make this beautiful boy so angry with me?

Natsuki closes his eyes and breathes a heavy sigh. The chair he's sitting on isn't comfortable enough to sleep in, but he's tired enough that it just might happen anyway. "Yuki?" Natsuki mumbles. He tries to negotiate with himself, but decides to anyway. After rising from his chair, he moves over to the bed, hovering over Yuki's sleeping body in an attempt to move him over enough so they may both fit comfortably. When he finds that he's moved Yuki far enough Natsuki still hovers for a moment. Trying to memorize the expression on Yuki's face, the exact pigment of his hair, and the rate in which his chest continues to rise and fall. He doesn't want to forget this. This simple boy who managed to change him. Natsuki reaches out his hand to brush a few locks of red hair that had fallen over his eyes in the process of moving him. There, perfect.

Before Natsuki can lie down, the boy under him begins to riggle, and his eyes flicker open. Yuki blinks a few times, his vision too hazy to make out anything. Though after four blinks he registers Natsuki's body wavering over him. "Umm." his voice changes pitch half way through the word.

"Right," Natsuki rolls over onto his side of the bed without another word. They lay there in silence for five minutes, maybe ten. Natsuki's listening to the storm outside, and to Yuki breath at a notably higher pace than when he was sleeping. Yuki is trying to work out why Natsuki was on top of him, and how he got in this bed in the first place. The technicalities of his thoughts leads his heart to quicken.

"Did you bring me up here?" Yuki asks.

"Yeah, I was just moving you to the other side of the bed so I could lay here when you woke up. I..." Natsuki felt embarrassed. "I didn't do anything."

"Oh." His voice was both disappointed and relieved. "It's...It's still storming outside."

Natsuki snickers. Let's talk about the weather? "I couldn't go home with the hurricane out there. I mean, I would have stayed anyway just to make sure you woke up and everything."

"Mm." Yuki mutters. "I'm sorry Natsuki. I shouldn't have ever ignored you. You...you know why I did it."

Natsuki turns on his side to face Yuki. "Tell me." He begs. His hands are shaking and he tries to clench them in the hopes Yuki won't notice.

Yuki folds over as well, both bodies facing each other now. "I was ignoring you because you're leaving. You're really going to be gone." he swallows. "I just thought we had more time." He looks confused, and says it again. "I thought..._we_ had more time. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet because there's something I haven't told you. And if I don't tell you before you leave, I don't think I'll ever have the chance to tell you again."

Natsuki listens and makes notes in his head. "You know I won't be gone forever." His voice wavers, as if it's going to break. He swallows, trying to clear his clenched throat.

"I know, but there are so many people in America. You're going to meet someone wonderful there. Someone who you're going to fish with. Someone...s-someone." he bites his lip, then tries to take a deep breath. "Some beautiful girl." He says. "What then? Why? Why should I even tell you. It's not like if I do your going to stay. What is it going to change?"

"If you tell me, it gives me the chance to respond. Isn't that what you want?" Natsuki bargains.

Stunned by his response, Yuki takes a moment. He sits up, and looks down at Natsuki on his bed. He smiles, realizing Natsuki changed into some of his clothes. "You're the first person that I really opened up to. You're really the only person I can talk to and you made me believe I could be good at something. Enjoy something. You didn't give up on me. You let me into your family, you told me everything was okay when everyone else left and now you're leaving." Yuki sighed, watching Natsuki sit up next to him. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do when my everything is...leaving." Yuki didn't look into his eyes."

Natsuki clenched his jaw at every word, waiting for the words he was looking for. "Just say it." it was barely a whisper.

"I love you, Natsuki."


	3. Roku

Almost three years of torment, and Natsuki finally made him admit. The year they saved the world, the other where everyone slowly left, and this one, the year they spent together. Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer then through and through again. Normality, and anxiousness stremed in Natsuki's mind. Once somethings been said, it's easy to begin questioning why it was so challenging to overcome in the first place. Why didn't we do this three years ago? Natsuki mulled over things. I've known it for three years, _three years_ we had and we wasted them being cowards.

"Natsuki?" Yuki beckoned in a quivering voice. He had just _confessed, _wasn't Natsuki going to at least say _something? _The boys were sitting up together on Yuki's somewhat cramped bed. Yuki's face was flustered, and bled the same red as his hair and only continued to brighten as Natsuki remained trapped in his thoughts.

"I-I don't want to leave you," As Natsuki began, Yuki's hand found a place on the other boys shoulder. He didn't do it in advancement, or out of some cheap romantic play. Yuki reached his hand out to Natsuki because there was fear in his voice. "You said I was the first person you ever opened up to. You were my first too. I opened up to Akira, and Haru as well. To a lot of people really, but that wouldn't have ever happened if I hadn't met you first." He watched Yuki squirm in embarrassment, sometimes having the courage to look in his eyes and in other moments forcing himself to glance aside. "Look at me, Yuki." Natsuki shrugged Yuki's hand from his shoulder in order to lift his own arm. Free, his hand raised Yuki's face to meet him, but hesitated; thumbing Yuki's jawline he could see the beginnings of a bruise. "Stubborn boy, it's always been you."

"You're the one being stubborn now, say it Natsuki." He gulped down the courage he mustered to say that, and waited. Wearing Yuki's oversized sweater, pieces of its sleeve brushed the redheads face when Natsuki moved his hand across the boys face and into his hair. Fingertips lingered through red strands, yet his eyes wavered.

_Please, just say something. _Yuki had otherwise been focused on what Natsuki was saying but while he stopped, it was difficult to distract himself from their closeness. His hand in my hair, thumb on my face, assorted limbs and legs touching on various places that are so small and unmentionable yet they grow in size in my mind as the silence builds.

"I-" before he could barely begin a crack of lightening broke outside where the storm was still raging. Both of their hearts jumped in tandem. Seconds later the lights flickered off. Natsuki and Yuki's eyes both darted towards the door to watch the hall lights darken in sync until Yuki's room too became dark.

Yuki's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, and faint images of Natsuki came into view. Pitch black hair, matching glasses, a slender frame and his light blue sweater that was rolling over the boys fingertips. He'd just now noticed that his shoes were off, even though it would make sense for them to be. Eventually he began to notice the familiars of his face, the curve of his jaw and even his eyes. Natsuki was still looking out the door, and didn't even notice the other boy staring.

_I should probably go downstairs to see if I can turn the power back on. _Natsuki started to slip out of bed, but Yuki caught the end of his sweater. Turning his head back, their eyes met again. "A-are you okay, Yuki?" His body slinked back into the bed with worry.

"The lights can wait." he says, tugging the boy farther down, until Natsuki topples onto Yuki. Natsuki's too quick for that though, and extends his arms before he falls. Yuki knows he's just trying to change the subject, to get out of bed, because he still hasn't said it.

Natsuki sighs, defeated. An unfamiliar feeling in general, but when Yuki could catch him it was more of a game to them. No one else knew Natsuki that well. Yuki was the exception. "Yuki." He starts, still hovering above his friend.

"Yes?"

"I love you. Will you please have me?" Natsuki's smile is evident, even though it's quite dark in the room. Yuki's hand is fumbling around Natsuki's collar, and his feet are wriggling as well. "What do you have to be nervous about, Yuki?"

"I've just," His hands gain the courage to touch the boys face, then sweep across his lips. Yuki's eyes open and close, disconnecting the distraction. "I've wanted you to say that for so long," His hand falls.

Natsuki rolls his eyes, what a cheesy statement.

"Hey," Yuki reaches his hand back again, noticing that while Natsuki has been carefully hovering over him, his glasses had slowly started to slip off. Yuki grasped the frame with one hand, to begin sliding them back on but before he could barely adjust them, Natsuki gasped.

It's uncommon for something to startle him so much, especially to warrant such a sound. But it had all slipped his mind up until then. The position of their bodies, even though he'd grown comfortable, Natsuki was still hovering above Yuki, giving in just the slightest amount would allow gravity to take over and...

Yuki read the realization in Natsuki's gasp, and instead of placing the glasses back on his face he went in reverse and slipped them off.

"You never answered my question." Natsuki blinked, now without glasses Yuki was somewhat of a blur.

"W-what?" Yuki had lost all composure after taking his glasses off. He'd been bold up to that point, but now he felt like he was sinking into the bed. The space between their bodies was so minute, yet it seemed like they would take forever to meet.

"Will you have me?" Natsuki reiterated once more, this time burrowing his face into Yuki's neck , shuffling away red strands of hair until he was able met Yuki's warm skin. His lips graced softly, then firmly kissed only to pull away. "Answer?"

Natsuki knew he was being unfair. Yuki's neck burned, his heartbeat pulsed through his entire body. He felt in in his ears and toes, tremors leaping farther and farther upwards to clench his throat. Answer, he thought.

"Please," Hesitant to speak with such a frail voice, he paused to regain what composure was left. "Yes, Natsuki."

"Breathe." Natsuki whispered, noticing Yuki's uneven gasps. He had no intention to make Yuki faint. Yuki did as he was asked, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Natsuki watched in fascination, and as he exhaled took the opportunity to bridge the gap between them. At first Yuki shuttered at Natsuki's lips, startled and obviously inexperienced. Though as his lips became more familiar, he managed to move his mouth in tandem with his partner. After a moment more Yuki pushed him away, frustrated with himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm no g-good at this."

"Don't think, Yuki. You're perfect." Natsuki combed stray hairs away from Yuki face. "You're the only person I want to kiss. I wouldn't care if you were the worst kisser on the world, and you're not by any means." Yuki's eyes rolled.

Natsuki rolled his eyes back. "Open your mouth."

Yuki wanted to question him, but instead parted his mouth slightly without hesitation. Natsuki eased back into Yuki, and before he could become too nervous about his tactics Natsuki slipped his tongue onto Yuki's lips, pushing them even farther apart to gain entry. Yuki tried to fight it at first, but gave in, swirling their tongues together. Yuki let out muffled moans along with a few pleading whimpers. From then on Yuki had forgotten and no longer over thought things. He was lost in it all, the fact that Natsuki pulled their sweaters off, and somehow the awkward movements before had become perfect measurements of pushing and pulling. It was like being in an ocean, drowning even, but every gasp of breath Yuki needed, Natsuki gave, and they continued to sink deeper. Their bodies wriggled over the bed, legs intertwining and fingers grasping in hair. They took their time so sparingly, enjoying every inch of one another. Every step they took, Natsuki never said a word but always looked to Yuki for approval. By the end of it all Yuki didn't look nearly as nervous, and that's all Natsuki ever wanted. For Yuki to be comfortable. For them to be comfortable with one another.

"Yuki?" Natsuki mumbled, almost asleep in his bed.

"Mm?" Yuki was buried in the crevasse of his arm, naked under the covers that lay on top of them.

"I love you." Natsuki's voice was barely audible, but luckily his mouth was already resting near Yuki's ear.

"Mm." Yuki wriggled, "I love you too." He was trying to block the thoughts out but they kept resurfacing. Natsuki is going to leave. It will never be like this again. Yuki's throat closed trying to stop it, but all he could do it try to be quiet.

"Yuki, are you crying?" Natsuki sat up immediately, placing Yuki onto a pillow. His face swept Yuki's hair from his eyes and drew in closer to see if it was actually true. "Hey." Natsuki repeated.

"I-I'm sorry." Yuki clammed up, pushing his hands to his face and pulling away.

Natsuki unraveled the boy, forcing his hands away. "Don't."

"You're going to leave me tomorrow."

"Not tomorrow." Natsuki mutters.

"W-What?" Yuki opens his eyes.

"I am leaving, Yuki. And I know it will seem like a long time, but it will be okay. I will always come back for you, and you're more then welcome to come with me at any time."

"But, you're not leaving tomorrow?"

"No, the weather tonight got my flight rescheduled."

For some reason that little shimmer of time seemed like a treasure. One more day, one more hour, one more minute with him.

"Promise me Natsuki." Yuki pleaded.

"Promise you what, love?" Natsuki seemed concerned.

"Don't leave me until you have to get on the plane."

It was his last wish. And Natsuki carried it out just as he promised. That night he stayed with him, and they rose together in the morning. Yuki made it a rule that they couldn't leave the house. So, in their boredom, Natsuki decided to tell Yuki more about his mother, which he had never told any other person. In turn, Yuki shared his experience about his parents. There were also times where nothing was said, and they only sat there holding hands or falling asleep together. When they realized they had been in their pajamas all day, Yuki went to grab Natsuki's _very _dry clothes out of the dryer and wore them around the house until they were stripped from him at bed time. Again, they fell asleep and woke. This time when Yuki awakened Natsuki was no longer there. In a hurried panic he flew down the stairs nearly slipping in the process only to see Natsuki had woken up early to make him breakfast.

When it was finally time for them to say goodbye, Natsuki's clothes were returned and Yuki's borrowed clothing were placed neatly back in his closet. Almost as if he'd never been there at all. Natsuki gave him a time. He said six months and I'll be back for you. From July till then, the world was going to freeze over and Yuki would still be there for him. After Natsuki left Yuki began to sob. He rushed up to his bedroom, yanked the sweater from his closet and jumped back onto his bed. It all still smelled like _him._ Yuki inhaled, and exhaled. There was a phantom touch on his lips once he exhaled. _You promised you would come back. I'm counting the days._

Once Natsuki landed in America, the first thing he did was buy Yuki a gift. He decided if Yuki was still waiting for him six months later, then he would truly deserve it. Until then though, Natsuki slowly turned the small blue box around in his pocket.

_Six Months_


End file.
